LETTING GO: MOVING
FORWARD
It’s interesting
what this year has been for me. It’s already December and I can’t believe how
fast the year has gone. It’s one of those months that makes you look back and
see what you have accomplished. Celebrate the success and maybe cry about the
low moments and there is also strive to improve for next year.
This year I
learnt a few things about myself. I have a higher tolerance and endurance than
I thought and I am resilient.
The problem
of sharing your hurt when you are known as a strong personality is that people
want to give you solutions to on how to overcome and are generally very
impatient with you and also want you to get over it as fast as possible. That
is because when they meet you they don’t want to talk about it. The truth is
sometimes you just want to vent and you don’t want solutions. The bad thing is
to wallow in it.
I will not
deny that some things have worked out very well and others crumbled. The
hardest part was the ones that crumbled and have been cultivated for a while.
Thought it was sprouting, gave it support, watered and cultivated it and still
crumbled. I understood the meaning of working in vain. Sometimes it’s obvious
to let something go but if you are a hopeful person like I am that things can
turn around you cling when you should actually let go. That statement let go let
God is very real especially this year.
This is that
year that I have really asked God what the point of my life is. It is very hard
for people like me who plan things and they don’t work out. I like to see a
clear path of where I am going. This year I have been on the Abraham journey of
going and not knowing where but still going all the same. Going but not knowing
where to, going and not sure which direction is the right one or what to prepare
for what’s ahead. Going and feeling weary and anxious and scared.
My faith has
been stretched for sure, I have had panic attacks and anxieties beyond what I
can fathom. I have also felt very alone and very abandoned. I have had to shut
out voices of people and those in my head that keep reminding me of my
failures. I have also endured a lot of being mistreated especially when I knew
I deserved better and I still kept on. It’s very strange how you can one time
or another watch someone treated badly or going through a tough time and you
judge them for not being strong until you go through it then you realize how
thoughtless you were to them.
All in all I
have figured that this was a season I had to go through. I have become a
different person for sure and I have grown. I am more open now and have a higher
sense of empathy towards others. I am not willing to lower my standards of what
I want any more because I deserve it. I am also less tolerant of people
treating me less than I deserve. I am a strong person and I am a good person
and I am a beautiful person. That has always been one of the hardest things for
me to believe but I know that if I believe it then everyone else will. I am
intelligent and I am unique. I am authentic, what you see is what you get. You don’t
have to like me I am very ok with not being popular but be humane and civil.
I will never
let go of God because He has seen me through this year. He is the only One Who’s
approval I need and is the only one who knows what I need. He has removed a lot
of people from my life this year but has also brought new ones and further
blessed existing ones. He has heard my cries and also celebrated with me in
moments of joy. He has been a real presence in my life this year, I actually
felt His Presence in my life all through despite what I went through I knew He
was always with me and still is with me.
I have also
figured that this is not the end of difficult seasons but what I have learnt is
that since I got through this one I will overcome the next one. And that God
will still bless me more than I can ask think or imagine and it will be worth
going through all this.
So let’s let
go of our pasts and let’s move forward and enjoy this festive season no matter
what your year looked like.
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