Tuesday, 3 November 2015
For some reason the last couple of days I have seen people post a lot of dating articles. I decided why not add to the numerous dating articles.
I am those people who don’t believe in dating for fun. Before I get into that let’s see what the word actually means
Date in this context means
A couple, in the early stages of a relationship who go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a committed couple [that’s from the urban dictionary]
Ok so now before I get into why I don’t believe in dating for fun, here is a link on a previous post about me and some insight into how I think.
Am sure after reading that you may have already formed an opinion about me, i.e. that I am hard to get along with. I actually am not. I am a pretty friendly genuine person and when one gets to know me I am a loyal friend.
Back to the topic at hand
I don’t believe in dating for fun because it doesn’t lead anywhere. It’s almost like a fear of commitment competing with the fear of being alone. You don’t want to be alone but you don’t want the responsibility of commitment either.
I am a very old school girl. I believe one is ready to date when one is ready to get married. That’s my view on dating. I don’t get why people want to have a string of relationships under their belts. It’s almost like a rite of passage nowadays.
I actually get a lot of grief about this and get judged a lot by people who don’t share my view, especially from believers. They ask “how will you know?” I will give that answer later.
I have read enough relationship books and articles and the one I would recommend is I KISSED DATING GOODBYE by Joshua Harris
I know there are people who have read it and love and there are others who don’t care for it, either way read it.
His view may be old fashioned but it makes sense.
I have posted an excerpt from the book in the image below and you can decide for yourself.
I believe if we treated relationships with the intended sacredness it should have, more people would be married. Relationships are too much about fun and games these days that even when a little discontented with it, it’s replaceable. That shouldn’t be the case at all. We should try and be as sincere as possible and open when we choose to date.
I am not an expert but from what I have learnt sometimes relationships are more of a coping mechanism and a rite of passage. It’s like that box you are waiting to tick to say, “Done.”
I am at that point in my life when I want to build relationships that actually matter. I mean that for everyone. Who will be at your side when things get tough, can this person be relied upon.
When I was kid the most important thing was to have friends, and the type of friends elevated you to a certain level. As an adult, there is no point. It’s more important to have relationships that actually matter. Does the other person have my back? Are we real to each other? Have we seen each other at a vulnerable state?
I know I treasure my friendships a lot and my closest friends are an extension of my family, I also know I cannot be like that with everyone one. It’s not even realistic. But I know I am there for people in different capacities and I know there are friends who are there for me in certain areas as well. My friendships aren’t all the same.
For romantic relationships all I can say is, it’s important to have that friendship first. If someone can show you who they are and what they are like, drive you up the wall and hurt you in unbelievable ways and you still think, “ I still want to spend the rest of my life with this person despite all that” I say go for it. That is real. Of course it’s still important that they make you happy and you want to spend time with them and you share the same values and you cannot fathom a future without them in your life.
There are things you cannot disregard like being faithful, truthful, loyal, communication, quality time, each other’s past, family, finance, faith you follow, nature of jobs and many more.
There is a lot to consider. These things take time so dating shouldn’t be rushed into either. Not everything you want in a person shows up all at one time, some will even come after marriage. I believe if we trust God with this, He will reveal as you pray. We live in an impatient world but I really believe He does if we ask Him to. As a believer it is the second most important decision you will ever make after deciding to follow Christ. So that’s why I don’t get the dating for fun thing.
Hope my insight has been helpful in some way.