Tuesday, 17 November 2015
Hi people. I did not post last week sorry about that. Was actually pretty blank on what to write tried to push it to the next day, still blank. For someone like me who always has a lot to say you’d think I had like 10 articles lined up to post. Well apparently not.
This week I am dedicating this article to the generation of young people behind me. It is also pretty personal because I will reveal a lot of how I grew up. I realized that my audience is not strictly African so who knows how this will go.
I was raised in a middle class African family. Pretty normal to me at least until you start to interact with the outside world and realize that you are not as normal as you thought.
In my country there is this identity crisis I have when I interact with people of a higher social class or a lower social class. They both have something to point out that you do not do quite right. You can feel totally underestimated and like you are always out to prove yourself. Well technically I usually do not care but I have seen my friends struggle with a simple decision like living in a lower income area because they grew up in a middle class area. So they end up living beyond their means just to fit in. That doesn’t make sense to me. Well let me share a bit about where I come from [my family] to gain some perspective.
What I know is one thing, I was raised not to fit in but to lead. In whatever way possible I was to lead. Everyone is good at something and I was taught not to compare myself with others.
I was raised not that I should marry a rich man but that I too can make it in life. It is not an impossible task, it’s just that some people take longer to get there than others.
No one in my family who followed their passion ever regretted it, in our family we are encouraged to follow our passions, there was always a huge support system. Men always take the lead and are always the greatest source of support. My grand father led the way being one of the few men of his generation who believed in girl child education. I may be blessed with such a family but if your support system isn’t your family then pick friends who can be.
There are people who are in your life for a season and some for a lifetime either way cherish the time. If it ends it doesn’t have to be on a bad note but let’s face it that’s not always possible. As you mature in life you realize people walking in and out of your life is normal.
My mother believed in being a home maker just as much as being a career woman. There are just some roles that even if we don’t like them as women they need our touch. Yes we live in the day and age of independent women but it’s still nice to be able to keep some of our femininity and just be girls. No one said we cannot have a career if we want to.
I was also taught to be discreet. The way people go shaming people all over the place, it was never encouraged in our family. It’s you who got the negativity in the end and people will either look down on you or pity you, which never helps at all in any form. Being the subject of family gossip can really take a toll and generally hurts your reputation and makes
people perceive you in a certain way.
All in all. My advice is do not be a victim of your circumstances. Just make the best of what life gives you. No situation lasts forever. Life is hard enough as it is why complicate it.
John 10:10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
Tuesday, 3 November 2015
For some reason the last couple of days I have seen people post a lot of dating articles. I decided why not add to the numerous dating articles.
I am those people who don’t believe in dating for fun. Before I get into that let’s see what the word actually means
Date in this context means
A couple, in the early stages of a relationship who go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a committed couple [that’s from the urban dictionary]
Ok so now before I get into why I don’t believe in dating for fun, here is a link on a previous post about me and some insight into how I think.
Am sure after reading that you may have already formed an opinion about me, i.e. that I am hard to get along with. I actually am not. I am a pretty friendly genuine person and when one gets to know me I am a loyal friend.
Back to the topic at hand
I don’t believe in dating for fun because it doesn’t lead anywhere. It’s almost like a fear of commitment competing with the fear of being alone. You don’t want to be alone but you don’t want the responsibility of commitment either.
I am a very old school girl. I believe one is ready to date when one is ready to get married. That’s my view on dating. I don’t get why people want to have a string of relationships under their belts. It’s almost like a rite of passage nowadays.
I actually get a lot of grief about this and get judged a lot by people who don’t share my view, especially from believers. They ask “how will you know?” I will give that answer later.
I have read enough relationship books and articles and the one I would recommend is I KISSED DATING GOODBYE by Joshua Harris
I know there are people who have read it and love and there are others who don’t care for it, either way read it.
His view may be old fashioned but it makes sense.
I have posted an excerpt from the book in the image below and you can decide for yourself.
I believe if we treated relationships with the intended sacredness it should have, more people would be married. Relationships are too much about fun and games these days that even when a little discontented with it, it’s replaceable. That shouldn’t be the case at all. We should try and be as sincere as possible and open when we choose to date.
I am not an expert but from what I have learnt sometimes relationships are more of a coping mechanism and a rite of passage. It’s like that box you are waiting to tick to say, “Done.”
I am at that point in my life when I want to build relationships that actually matter. I mean that for everyone. Who will be at your side when things get tough, can this person be relied upon.
When I was kid the most important thing was to have friends, and the type of friends elevated you to a certain level. As an adult, there is no point. It’s more important to have relationships that actually matter. Does the other person have my back? Are we real to each other? Have we seen each other at a vulnerable state?
I know I treasure my friendships a lot and my closest friends are an extension of my family, I also know I cannot be like that with everyone one. It’s not even realistic. But I know I am there for people in different capacities and I know there are friends who are there for me in certain areas as well. My friendships aren’t all the same.
For romantic relationships all I can say is, it’s important to have that friendship first. If someone can show you who they are and what they are like, drive you up the wall and hurt you in unbelievable ways and you still think, “ I still want to spend the rest of my life with this person despite all that” I say go for it. That is real. Of course it’s still important that they make you happy and you want to spend time with them and you share the same values and you cannot fathom a future without them in your life.
There are things you cannot disregard like being faithful, truthful, loyal, communication, quality time, each other’s past, family, finance, faith you follow, nature of jobs and many more.
There is a lot to consider. These things take time so dating shouldn’t be rushed into either. Not everything you want in a person shows up all at one time, some will even come after marriage. I believe if we trust God with this, He will reveal as you pray. We live in an impatient world but I really believe He does if we ask Him to. As a believer it is the second most important decision you will ever make after deciding to follow Christ. So that’s why I don’t get the dating for fun thing.
Hope my insight has been helpful in some way.