DATING DEBATE
For some
reason the last couple of days I have seen people post a lot of dating
articles. I decided why not add to the numerous dating articles.
I am those
people who don’t believe in dating for fun. Before I get into that let’s see
what the word actually means
Date in this context means a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehandwith another person:
Dating in
this context means
A couple, in the early stages of a relationship who go out on dates to
find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a committed
couple [that’s from the urban dictionary]
Ok so now
before I get into why I don’t believe in dating for fun, here is a link on a
previous post about me and some insight into how I think.
Am sure after
reading that you may have already formed an opinion about me, i.e. that I am
hard to get along with. I actually am not. I am a pretty friendly genuine
person and when one gets to know me I am a loyal friend.
Back to the
topic at hand
I don’t
believe in dating for fun because it doesn’t lead anywhere. It’s almost like a
fear of commitment competing with the fear of being alone. You don’t want to be
alone but you don’t want the responsibility of commitment either.
I am a very
old school girl. I believe one is ready to date when one is ready to get
married. That’s my view on dating. I don’t get why people want to have a string
of relationships under their belts. It’s almost like a rite of passage
nowadays.
I actually
get a lot of grief about this and get judged a lot by people who don’t share my
view, especially from believers. They ask “how will you know?” I will give that
answer later.
I have read
enough relationship books and articles and the one I would recommend is I
KISSED DATING GOODBYE by Joshua Harris
I know there
are people who have read it and love and there are others who don’t care for
it, either way read it.
His view may be old fashioned but it makes
sense.
I have posted
an excerpt from the book in the image below and you can decide for yourself.
I believe if
we treated relationships with the intended sacredness it should have, more
people would be married. Relationships are too much about fun and games these
days that even when a little discontented with it, it’s replaceable. That
shouldn’t be the case at all. We should try and be as sincere as possible and
open when we choose to date.
I am not an
expert but from what I have learnt sometimes relationships are more of a coping
mechanism and a rite of passage. It’s like that box you are waiting to tick to
say, “Done.”
I am at that point in my life when I want to
build relationships that actually matter. I mean that for everyone. Who will be
at your side when things get tough, can this person be relied upon.
When I was
kid the most important thing was to have friends, and the type of friends
elevated you to a certain level. As an adult, there is no point. It’s more
important to have relationships that actually matter. Does the other person
have my back? Are we real to each other? Have we seen each other at a
vulnerable state?
I know I
treasure my friendships a lot and my closest friends are an extension of my
family, I also know I cannot be like that with everyone one. It’s not even
realistic. But I know I am there for people in different capacities and I know
there are friends who are there for me in certain areas as well. My friendships
aren’t all the same.
For romantic
relationships all I can say is, it’s important to have that friendship first.
If someone can show you who they are and what they are like, drive you up the
wall and hurt you in unbelievable ways and you still think, “ I still want to
spend the rest of my life with this person despite all that” I say go for it.
That is real. Of course it’s still important that they make you happy and you
want to spend time with them and you share the same values and you cannot
fathom a future without them in your life.
There are
things you cannot disregard like being faithful, truthful, loyal,
communication, quality time, each other’s past, family, finance, faith you
follow, nature of jobs and many more.
There is a
lot to consider. These things take time so dating shouldn’t be rushed into
either. Not everything you want in a person shows up all at one time, some will
even come after marriage. I believe if we trust God with this, He will reveal
as you pray. We live in an impatient world but I really believe He does if we
ask Him to. As a believer it is the second most important decision you will
ever make after deciding to follow Christ. So that’s why I don’t get the dating
for fun thing.
Hope my
insight has been helpful in some way.
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