THIS IS WHO I AM
So my post
this week is very personal
It is also
very vulnerable, so I will share stuff that regularly people don’t know about
me.
From my
childhood I have had people being on my case about being too harsh or too
strict or this or that. Whatever they feel they can say to help me “be better”
or more “relatable” etc. To this day I can barely take a compliment because
most of the time people prefer to point out the negative more than the
positive. I don’t know why. I never really believe they are sincere and it’s
hard. I can easily side with a negative situation than a positive one in my own
life, but when it comes to other people I will see the light in their situation
without reasonable doubt.
This has
affected me my whole life and still does and often I have withdrawn from people
because of this. If they only knew how hard I am on myself in the first place.
Or how difficult it is to see the brighter side of things most of the time. I
am actually a very introverted person and people think I am extroverted. People
who have known me for a while know that I am generally a very private person
and I keep to myself a lot. The only difference is that I have extroverted tendencies
which is mainly when I want to get out of my head. [I am the weird person who
goes to the beach when it’s empty, barely any people around. Not a fan of large
crowds.]
I went
through a phase where I had no friends especially when I was younger, a lot of
acquaintances but really no friends. It hit me hard. I envied those around me
who had BFF’s and went for sleep overs. I struggled to figure out what was
generally the reason for it. Was I not a lovable person? Was there no one who
saw me? Was there anyone who thought I was good enough? Do people really think
that when I say things as it is [being blunt] I am out to hurt them?
Eventually I
met the Love of my life Jesus Christ and the end of high school. I went to Him
and asked Him, Lord, What is wrong with me? What do I need to do? What do I
change? , How do I relate with people? The answer I got after ages of waiting
was NOTHING. Not that God said nothing, I literally did not get an answer. SO
this is what happened instead, God surrounded me with people who loved me and
accepted me for who I am. No questions asked. How amazing is that?
Eventually
whatever came out as something I needed to work on I worked on it. I learnt my
ultimately that the only approval I need is God’s. That’s it. He made me like this
so why am I trying to be something else? Who exactly do people want me to be
like so they can be happy? Why am I trying to please them in the first place?
Do me a favor,
if I upset you tell me. If I hurt you tell me. If I am being over bearing tell
me and also excuse my big sister tendencies. But also if I have been nice tell
me, if I have done something right tell me. Maybe you will help my outlook in
life, who knows.
Is it really
fair to always point out faults in people? Criticizing them all the time? Even
the worst people in the world have some good in them. Like Hitler was a
frustrated artist believe it or not.
Anyways, my
point is knowing who you are and accepting who you are is generally difficult
and not everyone has the patience to deal with you. Eventually even the most
patient person gets tired of hearing how bad they are. You should never change
who you are for anyone but God. That is because He is the only one who can
actually help you.
Hope this has
been helpful.
I watched
this video by Janette…ikz as she said her vows to her husband to be and I was
so amazed at her. How vulnerable they were and very authentic as well. Very
beautiful. She sounds like me in many ways. So I have copied the link, have a
listen and hope it is inspirational.
Here is the
link from a woman who practically echoed me in many ways. Enjoy
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