WAITING AND WRESTLING

WAITING AND WRESTLING

When I was a child I was very excited about my future. I spent a lot of time dreaming about it and wondering what it would be like. Like this picture the future seems interesting and enticing, all you see are the stairs that lead you to the top, you forget to notice what the stairs are made of and its rough edges, the hanging trees and branches on the way, the crooked fence and many other things. All that actually make the future more interesting and memorable. You never imagine there will be bumps on the road to the future, you usually expect smooth sailing and life as you planned it.You don’t imagine waiting is part of the journey.

During this year I have discovered that waiting redefines itself even after I finally get peace with one area of waiting it changes on me and pushes me further and in a brand new direction. So because I cannot figure things out any more.

Then when I feel I can’t stand it any longer, I get into the wrestling phase, my wrestling similar to what Jacob in Genesis 33 went through when he was about to face Esau his brother whom he had wronged

I really get into “I will not let go till you bless me” mode and I will go through my many logics in my head. Have many sleepless nights. Be very unreasonable, then after a bit of crying [though at times it’s more like wailing] I calm down and sleep.

That’s when I my mind quiets down and then I start to thirst.

I start to hunger

For God’s Word, I frantically look for a Word that would minister to me. Something that would speak to my situation. This time I let God lead me,

I remember what He has done, what He has brought me through in the past, what Word He led me to then. I start to meditate on the truth and not focus on the lies, fears and doubts.

I quiet down my doubts, my anger, restless thoughts and take a deep breath and repent.

 I will be honest, I don’t get the answers just because I have calmed down, I just realize that I am not alone and I have not been forsaken. The world is not going to end because things did not go as I had expected.

The truth is I still hate to wait in any level. Either way I can say I have grown as a believer, I can’t believe some of the things I can tell people and they draw a lot of inspiration they draw from it. I am usually like, “I sound so wise.” The truth is I have been through a lot and I know better. I also know encouraging people is better than moping with them. And also things usually do get better and no situation lasts forever.

The thing about praying for something for so long and it finally happens is that it actually surprises you. You actually forget that you’ve been waiting for it the joy of the answered prayer consumes you.

So people I encourage you, continue to trust that things will get better.

Remember what God has done in the past and He will get you through this rough patch as well, just hold on to Him.

It is ok to cry and be angry at the situation, BUT don’t dwell there. Get through it and find your hope in the Lord.

Here are some scriptures I love to meditate on during those times. I hope it will be a source of encouragement to you

Proverbs3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Isaiah 41:10

¹⁰ Fear not, for I Am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I Am your God.
I will strengthen you
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous Right Hand.’

Romans 8:38-39

³⁸ And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ³⁹ No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Hebrews 13:5-6

⁵ Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said,

“I will never fail you.
    I will never abandon you.”

⁶ So we can say with confidence,

“The Lord is my helper,
    so I will have no fear.
    What can mere people do to me?”

1 John 4:16

¹⁶ We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.

1 John 4:18

¹⁸ There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

HACKING MARRIAGE

HACKING MARRIAGE

Story of my life

I had started this article and then my computer program had to be changed and I lost all the witty comments I made and I was already half way through.

Annoying as it is, I have to start over anyways and make the best of the situation, even though technology is supposed to make life easier, I really doubt that at times. Good ol’ pen and paper can still do the job

Anyways back to my article.

I read this book called marriage hacks

It’s a free book so if you go to the author’s site you can down load the e book

http://www.tylerwardis.com/marriagehacks/

I found it quite refreshing with a totally different view on marriage advice and how it is usually given

They are a collection of well know authors with advice on marriage

I decided to share some quotes from each, that stood out for me and I recommend this book to other singles as well as married people as well.

Hope it will entice you to read the book. It’s a pretty small book and an easy read.

Here we go [again]

1.    And though the object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love, it is a fact that when we receive love, we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires. GARY CHAPMAN

2.    Kissing forces us to drown out distractions around us. We had to consciously tune everything else out and focus solely on each other – something we can all agree we need more of. RYAN FREDERICK

3.    Yes, there were times in those years—too many times—when I wrestled with that choice and how to play it out. I even considered going back on that choice on a few occasions. But each time, I returned to the words I had spoken. I now know that I will always do so, no matter what. DANNY SILK

4.    It turns out, the couples who make it all the way to side-by-side cemetery plots share a few similarities beyond “they don’t have sex with other people” (although that’s certainly a solid start).JENNA MCCARTHY

5.    Although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow. TYLER WARD

1.    Let her know that if she lets herself go in your hands, you’ll make her momentarily forget everything bad going on in her life and feel everything good GARY THOMAS

2.    Marriage gives two people the difficult but incredible opportunity to be completely naked in front of each other—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The problem is, most of us have parts of our lives we’re terrified of anyone seeing. But if full exposure isn’t allowed, if we’re not able to reveal everything about ourselves (good, bad and ugly) within the covenant of marriage, true intimacy can never happen. CHRISTA BLACK

3.    Marriage—as a matrix—exists to serve you and your spouse. And for it to serve you well, it’s best practices and proposed mindsets must be authentic expressions of who you uniquely are—and they must change as you change. WILLIAM PAUL YOUNG

4.    “Chance, you want a guarantee? I’ll guarantee you this. 100% of the time that marriages get in trouble, it starts with people saying to themselves: ‘My needs aren’t being met. She’s overlooking me. He’s not doing enough. I deserve better.’ Once you start looking at things in terms of what you are or aren’t getting, you’re on a dangerous road. CHANCE SCOGGINS

5.    We all need little things to look forward to in life—small interruptions to our normal flow. Not because we have to escape from our lives, but so we can appreciate them. Because without the gift of looking forward, even the most wonderful relationships can grow stale. JEFF GOINS

1.    Whether we’re four years in or twenty, or haven’t started yet at all, let’s remind ourselves: love is not a place we arrive. Marriage is not a thing we achieve and then spend the rest of our lives maintaining. Love is a journey marked by mystery and the continual intention to learn one another. JONATHAN JACKSON

2.    Owning fewer possessions means less cleaning, less organizing, less repairing, and less financial burden. It brings freedom, clarity, and opportunity. Intentionally owning less frees time, energy, and space—resources that could be spent pursuing our greatest passions  JOSHUA BECKER

3.    . If there is anything that I have learned in my 15 years of marriage, it is that nothing stays the same forever. You may have a spouse that feels loved and filled by gifts for the first five years of your marriage, and then suddenly, in year six... all they want to do is snuggle. Go with the flow. CARLOS WHITAKER

4.    You cannot keep secrets compartmentalized inside your heart, away from life and relation- ships. They will pollute even those things that are true and right and beautiful, staining them with their own darkness, until one can no longer distinguish between the ‘real’ and the ‘presented.’ We cannot choose to live in deception and be led by the Spirit of Truth at the same time. BARRY AND LORI BYRNE

5.    Building your dream marriage isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely worth it. DUSTIN RIECHMANN

1.    Don’t get married because you think he or she is “the one.” Trust me, they’re not. There’s no such thing! But do get married when you see who God is making somebody to be, and it lights you up. When you want to be a part of that story of transformation, that journey to the future. When you are well aware it will be a long and bumpy ride, but you don’t want to miss one mile. JOHN MARK COMER

2.    There are a lot of ways to get to four. The only one who will do exactly what you would do in 100% of the situations you are confronted with in life….is you! And, if your spouse does everything exactly as you do and has the same opinion as you on every issue, then one of you is unnecessary! KAREN EHMAN

3.    It’s possible to have a successful career, travel the world and stay faithful to your wife. Crazy concept, I know, but it’s pretty amazing. Our culture tends to celebrate sleeping around and showcase men as “strong” and “tough” if they get a lot of women. I think it’s the complete opposite. Staying faithful to your wife as a man is strong and tough. Cheating on your spouse is weak. Amen JEREMY COWART

4.    If-bombs place people in competitive postures against one another. And since the DNA of competition requires that there be a winner and a loser, as a couple that translates into “me versus you—one or both of us loses.” PAUL EDWARD RALPH

5.    . But good girls do want sex! God gave us sex drives, too. And inside marriage, sex is supposed to be a wonderful thing for both of you!

When you’re active, it shows him, “I want to do this.” If you lie there on your back and don’t do much, he may think, “She’s just doing this for me.” Show him you are interested, and you do want this to happen—by making it happen! SHELIA WRAY GREGOIRE

1.    It’s been shown that the simple act of holding hands can reduce stress. Also, simply touching each other has been shown to communicate emotions of gratitude, trust, and love. RYAN BOWER

2.    If marriage is about becoming the right person, then it all begins at ground zero. It be- gins with an honest assessment, an unconditional acceptance, and a desire to be better than where we are at this moment. It’s also the realization we cannot become the right person alone KRIS WOLFE

3.    Love is the fuel that makes relationships work. Loving someone more than they love you is not stupid or crazy or foolish. It’s the bravest thing you can do in this life NATE BAGLEY

4.    when the marital grass starts looking greener on the other side of the fence, there are some things you can do (rather than glaring over the fence, day after day, wishing for greener grass) that might actually be productive RACHEL WOJNAROWSKI

5.    The day of marriage is not the end of the story, but the beginning. It brings into creation a brand new infant couple, pledging to learn the art of marrying their individual lives into one combined, married, maturing life together JARED BLACK

There you go.

I hope I have enticed you enough

Please go ahead and read the book itself

I will end with this quote also in the same book [and a verse of course]

For the wedding cake is rich and fresh, but the taste of true love lives in the leftovers

Genesis 2:24 New Living Translation
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Matthew 19:5 New Living Translation
And he said, 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'

ADVICE FOR 21 YEAR OLD ME

ADVICE FOR 21 YEAR OLD ME

I never enjoyed my 20's. At all. I don't know if i would rewind and relive those years but in some aspect I wish I had.
My 20's can be summed up in one word worry
I worried a lot.
I could finally tick the adult box.
I was expected to have figured out what I wanted to do and how I was going to make it.
There was no room for thinking cause you were supposed to have it figured out.
Especially for me as the first born in the family I was supposed to be an example to my siblings.
There was a lot of pressure.

I'm one of those people who knew what she wanted to do and knew what I wanted to do. but society was not ready for it and especially my
mum.
It was so hard but one of the marks of being an adult is standing up for yourself.
So I did, I managed to do what I wanted to do in college. It was a struggle. Then you finish and now the real task begins. Parents ask every
week, "how's the job hunting going?" then it changed to " there is this receptionist job I think you should apply for"

Well I worried a lot more after that.

• Worried about disappointing my parents
• Worried when I'd ever receive my first income
• Worried if I'd ever get an internship let alone a job
• Worried if i should become an entrepreneur
• Worried if I should change career
• Worried about not making it 

I had no one to turn to who would understand the life of a struggling artist. No wonder now when i see a young artist struggling
 I almost want to protect and nurture them. But they have to learn and find their own path.
So here is what I'd tell 21 year old me [even though I actually did some of them eventually]

Girl, you are young, and you have the who world and your whole life ahead of you.

• You don't have to figure your life right now.
• You will still disappoint people, be it yourself or others and yes even your parents
• Continue being passionate about what you and continue to discover more about yourself and your passions
• Take more risks, stop playing safe.
• Take chances and seize opportunities
• No situation is permanent
• Don't be afraid to fail
• Don't hold grudges
• Forgive your parents, they mean well
• Be there for your siblings, don't give up on them
• Read books that will build you and your character
• Accept yourself
• Create great friendships
• Don't afraid to be vulnerable to the right people
• Don't shut people out
• Life isn't always as you plan, embrace life and learn from it
• People will not always have your best interest at heart, learn to forgive and let go
• Celebrate people and be kind
• Expect good things to happen to you
• You are blessed and highly favored and God has a good plan for your life
• You will make it
• You are beautiful, believe it, and others will too
• You have great talent, give yourself room to grow
• Life is not always easy, hard times come, learn from them 
• People don't have to get you, you just be yourself
• Love will find you, embrace it
• Focus on God

• Finally [before 21 year old me gets tired]

•  GOD HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU HE WILL NEVER LEAVE NOR FORSAKE YOU

Isaiah 41:10 

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. 

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ADOPTION …..Is it an option?

ADOPTION …..Is it an option?

Those who know me know that I love children. I wouldn’t spoil them however I do believe children should be well behaved, but I do love kids.

I find them adorable and I love their perspective on things and life.

However not all kids have that privilege. Ever since I learnt about adoption, I was sure when I grew up I would get married, have kids and also adopt kids. There are many children without proper homes and I’d love to be able to help in that way.

 So I re-watched a movie I watched as a child called Orphan Train. I remember how I empathized with the children in the movie. I couldn’t imagine not being wanted. The most heart breaking scene was the teenage boy who was hanged for stealing. The society at the time preferred to get rid of children more than help them.

I have been privileged to come from a big family that care and love me and I have seen some of my relatives without parents being taken care of and being fostered by other relatives. It is basically a crime not to finish school in our family. We ensure people go beyond high school and can fend for themselves after they finish whatever course they do.

Our family isn’t perfect but you will know that you are loved.

I know in our African society we were very [and still are in some communities] very community based and we cared for each other.

I do strongly believe it is society’s responsibility to care for needy children and orphaned children.

Orphans are children that are victims of poverty, vice, crime and degradation

That live a life of neglect and suffering

After watching the movie I realized that the brave people who started the orphan train movement actually paved way for the modern day foster care system. Also the children’s rights cause it did not exist at the time.

Children have a right to a wholesome family environment. Not every child will be born in such an environment and it is very sad that a child has to start to figure out life even before they understand what life is.

Life before foster care meant

Abandoned children in the streets, starved or dying of disease, deprived of family and education.

They were often looked down upon by society and seen as thieves

The Orphan train movement in the US started as a way to rescue these kind of children from such situations. Here is a link to the 10 minute documentary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xkTwQqJ_04

We have a lot to be grateful for, that is for those of us who were raised in good families. Let’s extend that grace to other children. We wouldn’t want to be all alone, cold, sick and starving. Left to fend for ourselves and eat trash or leftovers if we are lucky.

 Let’s do the best we can to extend our hand of help not just to kids but the needy.

I will end with this passage of scripture

Matthew 25:35-40 says:  ³⁵ For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. ³⁶ I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

³⁷ “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? ³⁹ When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

⁴⁰ “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,^[c] you were doing it to me!’

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